I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
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