Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
