i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
