I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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