The best revenge is premature balding
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
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