Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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