Already got asked if we're dating
Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Actions speak louder than pants.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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