I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
