it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
