I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
vagina is talking i cant
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Randomize
