first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
It's official drugs can't kill me
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
