Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
