My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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