somebody snuck up and got me drunk
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Randomize
