lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
