Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
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