Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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