either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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