I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
