its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize
