he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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