remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Randomize
