Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
