we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
