Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Randomize
