So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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