Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
