mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
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