these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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