Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Randomize
