i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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