my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Randomize
