After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
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