Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
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