im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
