i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
