last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Randomize
