I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
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