i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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