Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Randomize
