dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
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