I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Randomize
