i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
