so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
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