1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Randomize
