eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Randomize
