I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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