WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Randomize
