how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Randomize
