i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
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